Touching Lives

One day, a boy was walking along a beach that was littered with thousands of starfish that had been washed ashore by a storm. As he walked he came upon a man  who was throwing the starfish back into the ocean, one by one.

Puzzled, the boy looked at the man and asked what he was doing. Without looking up from his task, the man simply replied, “I’m saving these starfish.”

The boy chuckled aloud, “Son, there are thousands of starfish and only one of you. What difference can you make?”

The man picked up a starfish, gently tossed it into the water and turning to the boy, said, “I made a difference to that one!”


Last night I got a message from someone I meet four years ago. She was working at an ice cream shop at the time, and, getting ice cream one day, I talked with her as I often do with people I meet. Turns out that she was just finishing high school and was getting interested in anime and conventions but didn't know where to start. At the time, I was running the Connecticon Info Desk Department, and I invited her to join my team and get to see the con from the center of it all.

We became friends and speak occasionally. Last night, she sent me a message in which she realized that when we met, she was just finishing high school, and now she has just graduated college. She said this:

"It seemed like such a small encounter, but your kindness to some random kid behind the counter stayed with me. You listened to me as i spouted off whatever high school angst I had and genuinely gave me advice and your time. Now I'm 22 and thinking about how incredible that was. You are the only stranger to ever be that kind to me."

Throughout our daily travels, rushing here and there, doing this and that, we brush up against so many other lives. I didn't think twice about chatting with the person behind the counter. It comes naturally, but it made a difference to her. Everyday, we have dozens of opportunities to make someone's life better, if only in a small way, but that small thing could mean everything to the right person at the right time.

Probably without intention, her words came to me at a time when they had great impact. The past half year has been very difficult for me. I have been in a place where I had to wonder who were truly my friends and who were not. I came to doubt myself and my contributions to the world.

This message (as well as many others I have received recently) was a powerful reminder that I have left a lot of good behind me, and that I have much more good to do.

In the past few months, I have seen the best of people and I have seen the worst. I have seen people whose goodness is so strong that the world is a brighter place because they exist in it. I have seen people with such darkness that they cannot help but to destroy that which others enjoy. It made me question my faith in humanity. But I have seen far more of the former kind of person than the later.

I have seen so many people step forward both behind and in front of the scenes to be the light in the world. Some did so because they were brave. Some because they didn't know what they were getting into. But all of them because they saw what the right thing to do was, and they knew that it was their time to do it.

I started this year with about 1,675 friends on Facebook, and in the past six months, I have removed and blocked a considerable number of toxic people from that list. Today, after all of this, my list of friends stands at 1,701. I am deeply grateful for all the wonderful people I have been blessed to meet, both this year and before.

Not only can every single one of us change the world, but every single one of us does change the world every single day. The only question is whether you change it for the better.

What's Next?

Every road is the right one if you don't know where
you are going.

A friend of mine posted on Facebook today that they were trying to figure out what the next step in their life is. Since I felt like my answer might be relevant to more than one of the 1600 people I reach with a Facebook post, I thought that I might as well answer it in a column.

I often use an analogy when discussing this question. Imagine you are sitting in your car in your driveway wondering which way you should turn when you drive out. Should you go right or left? Of course, the natural question is "where are you going?" since that will inform the answer to which way you should turn.

If, for example, you decide that you'd like to go to Boston, there are few ways to get there. Some are better than others, but, ultimately, many roads lead there.

It's the same way in figuring out what you might want to do next. What are the big picture goals. Where do you want to be in 20 years? 10? 5? 1 year? People often go to the wrong aspects of this question. They think about geography, jobs, details, etc.

Ten years ago, I could not have predicted one single element of my life. Not the state I live in. Not my career. Not my family status. Not my income. If you had asked me where I would be in 10 years, I would have guessed every element wrong. But I would have told you one goal: "To acquire money and/or influence to use to do something which creates a positive change in the world."

Although there have been many fits and starts and sideways lurches, I have moved progressively in that direction. I now have more connections than I ever have, and I use those connections to benefit everyone that I can. My income is comfortable, and I publish a magazine which is of benefit to almost 10,000 people. I seem to be moving in that direction.

That one, simple, abstract goal, provided a beacon in the distance so whenever I came to a crossroads and wondered what was next, I would know which way to turn.

Once my daughter was born, a second beacon was lit: providing her every resource and education to achieve the greatest possible success, however she might define it.

This does not mean that I have been perfectly focused. I have spent entire years wandering in the wrong direction, heading down some blind alley or simply forgetting about my greater goals. When I have realized the need for direction, however, I always knew what direction I should reorient myself to, and that has made all the difference.

For anyone wondering what the next step is in their own life, I figure suggest developing your own simple, abstract goal. One statement that describes where you want to end up. Once you have that beacon, you can look at every decision and ask yourself how well it moves you towards that goal.

Under that goal, there are objectives. This is where you get more specific about the things which you know make your life better or more meaningful. If your happiness requires making pretty things and working with plants, then doing so becomes an objective. You figure out what that would take. How much money would it need? Where would you need to be to do it? Who would you need in your life to allow it to happen, if anyone? What education or skills do you need?

Below the objectives are strategies to achieve those objectives. If the objectives require education, the strategy is the big picture plan of how you will get that education. If it requires money, then you strategize how to get that money.

Without knowing where you are ultimately trying to end up, a roadmap is merely an artistic representation of roads. But if you know your destination, then you don't even need a map, just a compass to guide you in the right direction.

On Gratitude

Gratitude is a deconstructed element of faith. Some of the happiest people that you will ever meet have a profound and and deep faith in some form of God. I don't mean the people who wave the Bible around and tell you why you're a sinner. I mean those people who just seem very serine all the time no matter what is happening; as if they have read the last page of the novel and they know how all of this will turn out.

A life of Gratitude is a key part of this serenity. Anytime something happens in your life, your emotional reaction to it is only loosely connected to how good or bad it is in reality. If you get a promotion and a raise at work, you can see it as a very exciting thing or you can see it as a whole lot of extra work with only a little more money. If you lose your job, you can see it as a disaster or you can see it as an opportunity to find something better.

Gratitude is crucial to being able to control the difference for yourself. Being grateful is not just something that "good people" do because they should. Gratefulness is something that you do because it is good for you.

I mention faith because most people have encountered faithful people who give thanks to God no matter what happens. If they are starving in the woods, and have nothing left but a handful of trail mix, they will give thanks to God for that trail mix. What would most of us do? Probably be upset that we're out of food and about to starve.

But think about the difference this could have in your life. How many blessings do you have every day that you don't even think about.

• If you are reading this, you are blessed to have access to the Internet, giving you access to all the assembled knowledge of mankind. 
• You either have your eyesight, or some other method to read. 
• If you live in America or another developed country, you live in relative security with a level of technology that was science fiction just 20 years ago. 
• If you are able to work then you have health that allows you to do so.

But what about when bad things happen. How can you be thankful for that. Let's say you lose your job. It is reasonable to be angry or anxious, but the anger and anxiety will pass more quickly if you can get to a place of gratitude. What might you have to be grateful for?

• You are now free to find a new and better opportunity.
• You gained certain skills and experiences which are now yours to capitalize on.
• You may have friends and connections through the last job.

Many of us go through our lives in fear and anger. Upset about this and worried about that, but what if, instead of looking at everything that might go wrong or has gone wrong, we look at what has gone right? Think about how that would change your average day. 

Think about the posts you make on social media. Are they negative or positive. What if you made just one more every day that expressed gratitude for something? What if you made an effort to thank someone every day for something they had done in your life? Imagine the difference this slight change might make.

I write this article aspirationally. I often find myself focusing on what I have lost rather than what I have, and it does not bring joy. Perhaps, starting today, we can start down this road of gratitude together. I can start by thanking you for reading this article.